krow
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Post by krow on Feb 19, 2014 18:57:43 GMT
Sindari's log, Febuary 19th.
The last few days have been quite exciting. Both personally and professionally. But I believe I will stick to the professional aspect for now. Three days ago, the Scarlet Sinner picked up a garbled distress call on multiple frequencies. When we moved to the location of the transmission, we discovered a large nebula. The origin of the signal emanated from the center of it. Our scans could not cut through the interference, so I ordered the ship into the nebula. My chief engineer is a savant of sorts when it comes to cloaking technology, so we were able to keep the Scimitar's cloak up. The source of the transmission was what appeared at first to be a Miranda class. But upon closer inspection, our scans revealed it to be a very cleverly designed hologram with a large explosive nestled in the center. With the nebula interfering with shields, it would have made a deadly trap to anyone bumbling into it. But out cloak saved us. Now, a Starfleet ship would destroy the threat to passing ships and leave. But I am not Starfleet. Where there is a web, there must be a spider with a leg on the strands. So I decided to pluck them and see what scurried out.
I contacted my nearest captain. A Klingon man by the name of K'Donak. I informed him that Starfleet lost a vessel in the nebula, and that he was ordered to enter and assist. Of course his Hegh'ta Bird of Prey, like all Klingon vessels, has an inferior cloaking device. It gave out along with his shields when he entered the nebula several hours later. During the time it took for him to get to the nebula, we had time to inspect the trap closer. It was not a proximity activated explosive, but a remote triggered one. Which meant the spider we were hunting was close. It was a simple detonation frequency, so we were able to duplicate it. When Donak's vessel approached, we triggered the explosive early. His ship took some minor damage, but nothing serious. As if on queue, a tiny ship came out of nowhere and dove after Donak's Bird, its weapons charging. Of course, we were ready. The Scarlet opened fire from cloak, and after some misses, were able to disable the slippery little thing. Having no shields from the nebula interference helped a great deal. We decloaked and tractored the tiny ship out of the Nebula, followed closely by an irate Klingon. K'Donak was less than thrilled that we used him as bait, but after some free repairs and a stack of Latinum, he shut up and went on his way.
Now, a few words on the ship we caught. It is Hirogen. I had never seen one up close before. So after dealing with its small crew and having a team check it stem to stern, I decided to give it a once over personally. It is small, cramped, filled with bones and weapons from a hundred worlds, and smells of blood, sweat, and fear. I have never seen a warship so small manage to cram so much into it. I would qualify it as a gunboat more than an escort. It is smaller than a T'Varo or a Defiant. But it's heavily armored and armed. The weapons are nothing too impressive. But I have already ordered them stripped out and replaced with more potent weaponry. But I do not believe she was designed to be a fighter. Not purely anyway. She is a tracker. A hunter. Her long range sensors and electronic warfare suite is amazingly sophisticated. No wonder we never saw her, she was masked the whole time. Now, most ships are build for multirole. Even the mighty Scimitar, the symbol of war and destruction, has science labs, holodecks, and assorted creature comforts. This ship has none of that. She was built with one purpose it seems. To hunt a single prey across vast distances unseen then corner it, kill it, and make it a trophy. I am going to re-purpose her.
I have named her Artemis after the ancient Terran god of the hunt, among other things. Once we have finished with her, she will become my eyes and ears. And if needed, my scalpel.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Feb 24, 2014 7:48:02 GMT
Sindari's log, February 24th
Someone tried to take Karis from me. He assaulted her in a bar and took her to his ship. He is Romulan and he called himself "Commander Rylov". This implies he is either Tal'Shiar or Republic. If he's even a commander at all. He attempted to escape in a Kestrel Runabout but failed to cloak due to some kind of equipment failure. We fired on his vessel, disabled it, and retrieved Karis after he and his crew escaped to one of the many deserts covering Nimbus III. If my Scimitar was in orbit at the time, I may have ordered that desert burned to glass. I lost control.
I have not been that angry is over a hundred years. I pride myself on my control, to a point. I will not start a fight unless absolutely necessary. But this... There are many theories floating around. He may be Tal'Shiar and they want to question her before they kill her for betraying them. He may be Republic, which means the entire Romulan fleet is going to be after her for an arrest. It could also be a rival Mercenary or even the Old Lizard himself. I believe it is entirely possible that whoever is behind this is after me.
Karis is possibly the only person in this Galaxy that I would give anything to protect. I see her as my daughter, which causes problems. She is my one true weakness. If something were to happen to her, I do not care who I hurt in order to get her back. If the worst were to happen, and the Republic is behind the attack, then things are going to get very bad very fast. The Federation will not risk their precious alliance with the Romulans over scum like us. We will have both Starfleet and the Republic after my fleet.
S'Taev is helping us. He is proving more useful than I had hoped. I tested his loyalty, and it is sound. He will not betray us. No, if anything he will betray them. I am sure of it. My hope is that he brings me personal information on this "Commander Rylov".
He went after my family. So I am going after his. Damn the consequences and let any who dare touch my Karis again drown in the blood of their loved ones.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Feb 25, 2014 23:27:57 GMT
Sindari's log, February 25th
I am done. I go to all the trouble of hiding her, protecting her. I put my life and the lives of my people on the line in order to keep her safe, and she repays my kindness by spitting in my face. I went to Starbase 146 in order to try and resolve this peacefully. Vilaina is a good leader. She could have helped us. Instead, I found Karis there. She told me that if the Republic wanted her, they could come and get her. This is exactly what she did with the Tal'Shiar. She left my protection and put herself in harm's way in order to protect me. She does not trust me. If that insolent child wants to rush into this head first and play hero, I will let her. Rylov can have her. Maybe some jail time will teach her humility and deflate some of her ego. I care for Karis. I really do. But it is becoming clear that I can not trust her as part of a team. I feel betrayed. But I suppose every child has their rebellious phase.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Mar 4, 2014 23:48:47 GMT
Sindari's log, March 4th
I need to trust Karis more. She is a very smart child. Smarter than I give her credit for. Going to the feds was actually a very good move. They'll protect her from the Republic until she is no longer of any use to them. I was wrong to doubt her abilities or her loyalty to me. She would never betray me. I believe my sharp spike of anger was due to my addiction to alcohol. I have decided to try and stop again. For her sake. Being drunk can cause major problems for myself, and my crew. I will not endanger Karis again. I have the Nocturne on standby in case the new Admiral tries anything, but I trust Karis to handle this situation with the utmost precision and the usual level of cunning.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Mar 17, 2014 13:10:32 GMT
Sindari's log, March 17th.
I will have to make this quick. My mental state is starting to deteriorate. I knew this was going to happen eventually, but I had hoped I would have more time. My control is slipping. I have been experiencing flashes of anger among other things. No, not anger. Rage. This is very troubling. I can not afford to slip up now. Not with everything going on. I need to clear my head. I am taking a shuttle to my house on Risa for a few days. My "fleet" will not fall apart in the few days it takes to fix this issue. They will be fine. Hopefully after some rest and meditation, I will be back to my usual self. If not, then this will all get very bad very fast. I can not go back to that place.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Mar 21, 2014 3:43:00 GMT
Sindari's log, March 20th.
That did not go well. I did not last even one day at my house on Risa. Just... sitting alone in that horribly empty house with my thoughts and regrets with nothing to do but cry and wallow in self pity. I refuse. I simply refuse. I would rather die. I returned to work. The Scarlet has been running operations against the Terran Empire. Apparently, they are making a push for this universe and Starfleet could use the help. We've taken some significant damage. The Scarlet is starting to show her age, and it is becoming too costly to maintain her. I need a job. A big one. One big score to set us up for a long time.
We also lost Selana. She insinuated that she was armed while on starbase 146. I ordered her to disarm. I will not risk future contracts just because some ignorant child wants to play assassin. She refused and threw a tantrum. I have since terminated her contract. Although I may have reacted with anger at the time, my decision was sound. That kind of immaturity is a risk. A threat. The threats must be removed. And a weak mind is the most dangerous thing imaginable. She did say something that troubled me. I do not remember her exact words, but she spoke as though she was my former Fiance, Trikell. Something about never loving her. I have never been romantically attached to Selana, not even a one night stand. And her phrasing was... curious. I will keep an eye on the issue. If she continues to be a threat, she may have to be removed and her daughter given to someone actually capable of raising her. Time will tell.
Ardet told me something dreadfully troubling today. Apparently, Karis had some kind of meltdown on a Klingon ship during a dinner party. Why there was a dinner party on a Klingon ship, I will never know. But Ardet mentioned Karis drew a weapon and had some sort of flashback or psychotic break. I need to find her, and fast. If she is in danger, I must protect her. Even if I must protect her from herself again. This is a delicate time, considering her asylum with the Federation and the Republic after her. Another episode could spell disaster.
Karis must be protected at all cost. Damn the rest! Even S'Taev. All of them are means to an and. Disposable. Forgettable. I won't be a fool and let myself be manipulated. No, not again. Never again! I am the one holding the strings now. I know I would risk everything again to protect her. But I can hear the whispers again. They say that maybe I would be safer with Karis gone... Maybe Karis is the one manipulating me. That I should cut out my weakness before it is too late.
How much sense this makes terrifies me more than anything ever has.
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Mar 28, 2014 5:42:02 GMT
Sindari's log, March 27th.
Rin's dead. I liked her. Fought with her a couple times. Talked with her once or twice. She seemed like one of the good ones. Some Hirogen shot her in the head. Now the Feds are up in arms and screaming for vengeance. I agreed with Ardet that we could use the chance to gain favor with the Feds. The fleet is hurting. Jobs are drying up, and money is scarce. We could use the added fame and gratitude. Ardet had a contact that claimed to know where he went. I trusted her. It led to a system in the Rolor Nebula. We found a small Hirogen escort. It didn't respond to hails. When we approached, we detected a massive energy build up. It detonated and caused extensive damage to the Jormungandr. We lost a nacelle. The entire side of the ship looks like someone took a hammer to it. I lost twenty three of my crew in the attack. It's all my fault. I should have seen that trap coming a lightyear away. Hirogen are a simple, dimwitted species. I've outwitted their primitive traps before. But... my head is not in the right place. I was in error, and I lost some of my family because of it.
Now it's personal. I don't care about the Feds. This is my hunt. That Hirogen thinks he can stand against me? Kill my crew? I'm going to disembowel him. Slowly. The Scarlet should be arriving soon from her... "errand" with some much needed muscle. Lets see that ugly son of a bitch survive a Scimitar loaded for war and driven by a pissed of Romulan. A Romulan with anger issues on the verge of... Computer, erase the last line and end the log. I need another drink...
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 7, 2014 0:28:12 GMT
Sindari's log, April 6th.
Wrong. Gone all wrong. Karis is dead. Gone. All gone. Her fault. She never should have asked them to protect her. She knows this. No no, that's not right. I know this. My fault. Our fault? Not their fault. Shot her. On her ship. Killed the ship. Killed the gunmen. No survivors. Kill one hundred and fifty, get two I wanted. Justice. Pretty explosion. Karis. My Karis. Went to their sickbay. Died there. They wouldn't help her. They wanted her dead all along. They pointed guns at me. Lots of guns. Threats. Threats to us. So many threats. Didn't shoot. Wanted to. They lied. Told us she was alive. Lieslieslies. Ran. Didn't believe it. Didn't want to hurt Karis in a fight. Stupid. Know now. Should have killed them all when I had the chance. Won't make same mistake. Ran to Nimbus. Had to escape. Blue lady showed me the truth. I saw. They hailed me. They faked her voice. Wasn't her wasn't her. Nonono I know better. They're scared. They think if I know, I'll kill. I know. Karis... My Karis. My fault. Maybe... if I'm lucky they can kill me too. Would stop the voices. Back in red now. Washed off the green. Much better color. I'll paint them all in it. For her.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 11, 2014 2:45:27 GMT
Sindari's log, April 10th.
I suppose we should get this all down while she's in one of her more lucid states. I should? They should? Pronouns are getting difficult. Her crew abandoned me. Us. We? Doesn't matter. The Scarlet is gone. My family abandoned me. Part of me knew they would. Hoped they would. They put her in a shuttle. Banished me from the only home I ever knew. I don't remember where I went from there. Someone started shooting. There was fire everywhere. And pain. A lot of pain. We crashed. Then there was water everywhere. Then she woke up on a ship. His ship. S'Taev. They were hurting me. Too much pain. I don't remember much of it. A lot of Doctors. He was there. She likes him. He's nice to her.
Something happened. I woke up on a different ship. More pain. Worse pain. She went away. Hid. Somewhere safe. We took over. It's fine. She doesn't want to come back out. Too much pain. We'll protect her. Have a ship now. The Apex. Better crew. More loyal. Maybe. Will have to pretend. Cortellian is dead. He hurt me. Didn't like him. Didn't like his face. It's gone now.
Karis is here. She never left. I knew she wouldn't. I was wrong. Didn't die. Was with me all along. She doesn't talk much. That's okay. The others don't see her. She's smart. Doesn't let them see her. She'll never leave me. All I have left. It's fine. I need something to drink. Think I'll go to Quarks.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 17, 2014 13:34:57 GMT
Sindari's log, April 17th.
Karis is alive. Actually alive this time. Not a hallucination. She's safe and happy. She's dating this Vidria girl this time. I can't say I approve, but whatever makes Karis happy I guess. Oh, I should mention I'm feeling saner. Not sane. Just saner. When I delivered the Hirogen and told them what happened with the slavers, they didn't believe me it seems. I gave them what they wanted. Cortellian. I even put a bow on him... But no. They still don't trust me. I guess if they won't trust me after that, they'll never trust me. I told them I'd get them the Hirogen. And I did. I even offered a way to catch the Slavers. But someone must have gotten tired with the 146th bumbling around. The pursuit of the slavers has been handed off to someone else. With nothing but two aging Hirogen ships under my command, I can't go after them alone. I might just kill the Cat if he approaches me again though.
After I told the Feds what happened, they had one of their Vulcans perform a mind meld with me. I thought he was going to help me with the voices. Stupid. I should have known better. The moment he got what he wanted, he cut and ran. I haven't heard from them since. What did they want? To know if I was lying. Simple as that. They're happy to see me struggling with what little sanity I have left. I suppose if they'll never trust me, that's to be expected. Perhaps they think I'm more harmless and easily controlled this way.
As for S'Taev... I was right to keep him close. He saved my life. I owe him for that much at least. But the poor old man doesn't realize what I am. He still believes I'm actually capable of love. Are all men this simple minded? The Cardassian believed me until I opened fire on his ship. The Gorn Believed me up until I impaled him. I like S'Taev. I really do. But I'll end up either hurting him or killing him in the end. It's the natural order of things. It's my nature. Ever since... Well. To be honest, I have different memories of what happened back home. Which is fine I guess. When it comes to my past, I prefer multiple choice.
Well. The Feds will never trust me or help me, Karis doesn't need me and is better off without me, S'Taev is too blind to see me, my crews have left me, and the voices are getting more well defined. I think after all these years, I'm finally ready to lay down my burdens and rest. Once and for all. After all the pain I caused... Maybe it's time to just go away. It'll be better for everyone, really. Call it... final atonement for my sins.
-End of log-
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krow
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Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 21, 2014 4:23:14 GMT
Sindari's log, April 20th.
Those ungrateful BASTARDS! I never should have helped them! After everything I did, everything I sacrificed to help them, they cast me out like THIS!? When I needed them the most?! Chris kicked me out. Told me I had five minutes to leave the system. Even had the audacity to say "thanks for playing". That pathetic little creature. Next time I see him, I'll tear his... I'll...
*sounds of sobbing can be heard for several minutes before she resumes speaking, sounding calmer now*
This is what happens when I let one of the others affect me... I'm getting better, but at times... I lose control a bit. The anger I feel finally boiled to the top. It started with me trying to get a job. Any job really. I can't make ends meet anymore. I said with some minimal effort on their part, I could use the Icarus as the biggest cargo hauler they've ever seen. There was some hostility, I admit. This happens when I drink and the voices still won't shut up. But he went too far. He said, "at least we have a habit of returning sane and in one piece from missions". I let him have it. I vented about everything. He said they didn't owe me anything because all I did was bring back one man. Even though this was the one man who they deployed an entire fleet to catch. I clearly needed help. No, I'm not going to beg for it. I might be nothing anymore, but I still have that much pride. I insulted him. I tore him a new asshole. I let him have it. Then, he kicked me out. And my entire ship. Banished, like that because of insults.
I don't pose a threat to him. I didn't attack anyone. I may have threatened to tear his tongue out, but I mean who hasn't? He's a Marine. If they can't take a verbal pounding, then why is he even allowed to lead? Now that I think about it, there was another man in this fleet that reacted badly when insulted. Who liked to threaten and throw his weight around when he felt the mean Romulan lady hurt his feelings. His name was James Robert Martin. I still remember when he tried to have me thrown off the Spire for calling him mean names.
But no. I'm done. It's clear they won't help me. I'll always be lesser than them in their eyes. A parasite. Not an equal. I'm done trying to help them. Trying to prove myself. I've never threatened them. I've never harmed them. I've risked my crews and my ships for them. I've even lost crews... I lost my ship. My fleet. My arm and my eye. Even my mind for this damn fleet. What did it get me? "Thanks for playing." I don't know where I'll go now. What I'll do. My ship is falling apart. Our replicators are on emergency rations. We'll have to choose between being fed or being able to breathe soon. I have seven decks with no atmosphere. I have almost no crew. Certainly not enough crew to run a ship this size.
I'm on my own. I suppose I always was, really. A bit ironic for someone with voices in her head. S'Taev gave up pretty fast. He was always pretty distant, but with all his talk of love I at least expected him to try. But one run in with one of my personalities, and poof. I haven't seen or heard from him since. I guess he didn't want damaged goods. I don't blame him really. Besides, he'll be safer the further away he is. The same goes for Karis. I love Karis. She's the daughter I never had. But... I missed out on my chance to raise a child a long time ago. I can't interfere with her life because of some misplaced motherly instinct. She'll be safe with the Feds. Not with me.
I heard there's work for people like me in Pi Canis. I just hope this ship holds together long enough for us to find something. May God have mercy on us all...
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 25, 2014 0:58:41 GMT
Sindari's log, April 24th.
I tried to kill myself today. Sat in my chair, had one last drink, pressed the emitter to my temple, and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off. The energy cell was dry. That has never happened to me before. I'm not one to believe in signs. But... I'm too weak to try again. In the end, even I can't kill me. Some days I feel like I've been cursed with immortality.
The Icarus is finally dead. Well, not dead. Sleeping. Almost all the crew I had jumped ship at our last stop. Rats off a sinking ship. The Icarus is massive. She can't stay flying with less than 20 people. I've parked her somewhere to safe to sleep and dream whatever grand old Starships dream. We've taken what we can from her and patched up the Artemis with it. That little Hirogen ship will have to be my home now. We undocked from the Icarus, and left her behind.
I can't help but wonder what that point is. We have no course. No destination. Everything I've worked for over my life is gone. The family I thought I had left me to drift in a shuttle. Starfleet won't get near me after blowing up that T'Varo. The voices are gone, and I feel myself again. But... after everything I've done, can I really redeem myself? And why bother? What does redemption really do in the long run? Heal my soul? I'm told I don't have one. I could resort to piracy. I have old friends who could help me get back on my feet. But I don't want to go back to that. I left that life behind a long time ago. The stain that kind of work does never truly washes off. I've been marked with it since I came here. But... at this point, I don't see any other choice. If I want to survive, I have to return to my roots.
Now that I've said it, I think there's a measure of peace and comfort that comes from accepting fate. Resigning oneself to the inevitable. Why pretend anymore? I've spent so much time trying to convince people I was a good person. To make up for all I've done. What did it get me? Nothing, that's what. No, less than nothing. I've fallen farther than I was when I started. I've pointed the Artemis toward the nasty part of space. Time to call in some old favors, get the Icarus flying, crewed, and armed, then get back to work.
Because I've always been a Sinner. Time to show them all what true Sin is.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Apr 28, 2014 15:56:42 GMT
Sindari's log, April 28th.
A friend came to see me. She showed me kindness. I was startled to hear that I was allowed back on Starbase 146. This changes everything. The Icarus has managed to limp its way back to the station. I'm going to plead my case with anyone who will listen. I'll beg if I have to. It's not like I have any dignity left to lose. They're extremely busy with some kind of Undine problem. I don't mind. It's not like I'm going anywhere. At least until they kick me out again, my crew can enjoy the free food.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on May 12, 2014 21:27:53 GMT
Sindari's log, May 12th.
So much has happened since my last log. Six was kind enough to treat me to some kind of medical procedure to regrow my left eye and repair the damage. The pain is quite unpleasant, but I can finally take off the eyepatch. It's still very light sensitive, and I can barely see anything out of it, but at least I don't look like a pirate anymore. The left arm is taking a bit more doing. It's stabilized and the nerve issues I've been having are fixed, but it's still an ugly metal monstrosity. I'll have it replaced myself once I can afford the proper kind of prosthetic.
I have a new job. One I was downright shocked to have been given. I mentioned offhand to Chris that I had some previous medical expertise, so he mentioned that a woman named "Lara" could use some help developing weapons and technology to fight the Undine threat. With my previous experience in both medical and combat fields, he believed I could be helpful. I sat down and talked to Lara, and not only did they hire me on as a researcher, but they gave me access to some of their own research facilities. They also gave me significant funding, provided I kept being useful. The Starfleet engineers have been repairing the Icarus. I've decided to wait to start my work till I can get a functional lab set up on my ship.
I saw S'Taev for the first time since my breakdown. He was holding hands with some young Romulan girl and speaking with that same tone he used to save for me. He seemed to completely ignore me. Like I was a ghost he wanted to forget. I had been worried about him. After my little incident, he simply vanished. I hadn't seen him or heard from him until I saw him on the Starbase. I assumed something terrible had happened... I was wrong. I guess he didn't want damaged goods. I can't help but feel betrayed. His actions hurt more than losing an arm ever could. When I needed him most, when I was at my most vulnerable, he just walked away. I didn't realize "I love you" meant so little to the man. He moved on I guess. I should too, now that I've almost fully recovered. I just hope his next victim sees him for what he is before he hurts her like he did me. Like he did Karis. Part of me hopes Karis and Vidria make good on their threats to brutally maim the man. But the other part can't help but wonder what it would have been like to settle down together like he always talked about. Bah. These thoughts aren't helpful. Plenty of men have hurt me in the past. I need to stop being trusting enough to let them.
For now, I rebuild. I work on getting the Icarus and Artemis back up to fighting shape while recruiting new crew. I have plans for my rusted old Hirogen ships. Grand plans. But first I sit, wait, watch, listen, and slowly start expanding the strands of my web. Because Sin is back.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on May 19, 2014 21:01:46 GMT
Sindari's log, May 19th.
Things are moving more quickly now. The Artemis and Icarus are now fully repaired. While they're far from warships, they will serve me well. The lab on the Icarus is still under construction however. So i'm still using the facilities on Starbase 146. This means that for the time being I must proceed... delicately. I've regained my left arm. Or as close to it as I can get. The cybernetic prosthetic is almost identical to my natural arm. Once I have some minor nerve issues sorted out, I'll have trouble remembering it's not real. Research has begun, but is slow going. The Federation knows so precious little about the actual physiology of Species 8472. It's almost laughable. Hopefully, my appointment with Stellara will pave the way for my work. Seeing as she's my only chance to observe a living specimen, I must be tactful. Her people's annoying habit of committing suicide upon capture is vexing. Once I understand their cellular biology better, I can find weaknesses we can exploit.
On a personal note, my relationship with the Starfleet Commander is going amazingly well. He is a surprisingly capable officer and has already supplied me with many various samples from the Dyson Sphere. Because of his assistance, my work can continue. But he also treats me... uniquely. A way no other man has treated me before. It's taking a bit of getting used to. No man has ever cooked for me, or seemed to genuinely care about my well being like he has. Even S'taev for all his talk, always felt so cold and distant. I haven't felt this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest in many years. It's extremely disconcerting to find oneself starting at a man and grinning like an idiot for no reason. I've always found it best to keep up my cold, hostile, and tomboyish image in the past. But now this Caitian is actually making me feel feminine again. I might actually start wearing makeup. Perish the thought...
But I need to keep my head on straight. There's a bigger job to be done here. He'll eventually leave me anyway. I can't let myself be distracted. Too many lives are at stake. I'm not Starfleet. I can do what they can't. I'll end this war for them, and then maybe I'll have started making up for all I've done. But I must remember not to let primitive conventions like morality and sympathy interfere with must be done for the greater good.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on May 26, 2014 17:40:35 GMT
Sindari's log, May 26th.
This... is going to be a long one. I have far too much on my mind and I need to get it all down somewhere where no one can see it. Who knows, it might help. Work on bioweapons research for the Federation isn't going well. Species 8472 is quite possibly the most advanced life form I've ever had the displeasure of picking apart. They're so highly evolved that finding an "Achillies Heel" is proving nigh impossible. The weapon that Voyager developed during the Delta Quadrant incursion is no longer effective. If it was, they wouldn't have even bothered coming back. But I had to check anyway. The Undine's genetic technology seems to have edited out that weakness in their species. Highly efficient if not highly infuriating. The aggressive nature of their cellular structure makes any plague, virus, or parasite nothing but food the moment it's introduced to live cultures. Which are few and far between due to their lovely habit of killing themselves on capture, rendering and kind of live experimentation impossible. I've tried to find a way to negate the neuro toxin they release, but it's so fast acting that stopping them from releasing is also not possible. The modern bio-mollecular weapons Starfleet has developed do nothing more than slow them down. And with one pilot per ship, which they can grow in large numbers, they can stand to lose ships by the hundreds. We can't. As hopeless as this all sounds, i've come to a brilliant revelation. One that might have some... disturbing consequences. I was sitting one day sipping my tea and trying to find a new angle while fiddling with some lines of code, when it dawned on me. We didn't need to find ways to kill the Undine. That's a primitive and barbaric way of approaching war. I've spent too much time among the Federation. I've started thinking like them. I thought the Undine threat was one to be bludgeoned into submission. To develop more advanced weapons to kill them by the thousands while they kill us by the thousands. This is the Terran way to think of war. A war of attrition. No, I need to think like the old Sin would have done before the fall. I've changed so much, I almost forgot how she thought. I'm ashamed I didn't think of this earlier. If I succede, the Undine will retreat and the war will be won in a matter of days. Maybe hours. No one else has to die on either side. I'll be redeemed not just in their eyes, but in my own.
It's deceptively simple. We don't attack their bodies or their ships. We attack their entire realm. Their dimension is made up of biological matter. Bio-matter can be targeted. With the right tools and samples of their space, I'm confident I can fashion a plague or disease that will feed on the space between their worlds. This is all still theory, since I have no idea how i'd go about doing this yet. I'll need samples first. But if it worked, the weapon would consume the bio-matter and use it to replicate exponentially. It would spread faster and faster, leaving nothing but dead and blackened sludge behind it. A fish needs water to swim. Their ships and their worlds would die. It would wipe out their entire species.
But here's the important bit. We wouldn't need to use it. I'd develop this weapon and oversee a small demonstration for the Undine. Show they what we're capable of. They're a smart race. They won't face extinction for their masters. They'll retreat and no one else will have to die. There are some concerns however that are making me hesitate. Rh'vaurek raised a valid point when we talked. What if the Undine didn't back down? What if, for whatever reason, they decided to continue fighting? Even fought harder? I'd be responsible for adding to the allied casualties. And what if the Federation out of some desperate act of self preservation decides to use my weapon? What if their fear overrode their sense of morality and their cowardice? I'd be responsible to the extinction of not only a race, but an entire realm. But if everything goes wrong, then this hypothetical weapon might be our only recourse. End their dimension to save ours. A big decision. One that I don't know if Starfleet could make. If their weakness is in danger of dooming us all, will I have the strength to press the big red button myself? These are the questions that are keeping me from sleep. I'm doing this to save lives, not take them. I simply do not know what to do.
And thoughts of Rh'vaurek aren't helping me sleep either. He's out there fighting the Undine in his little ship. For the first time in my life since coming to this plane, I've felt fear for someone other than myself. I... worry about him. The realization came as a shock. Even when he's not here he take me by surprise. He's responsible for supplying me with my samples. I'm the one who asked the Admiral to give him that task. If something happens to him, it's my fault. Yet another thing I couldn't live with. I'll have to focus on my work and nothing else. The sooner this war ends, the sooner he'll be safe. I've lost too many people I care about in ways I couldn't prevent. I can prevent this one.
Till I can look further into my idea, the Federation will have to be happy with the few little things I've done. A 7.034% increase in weapon accuracy against Undine vessels for Federation ships. 2.8% for Romulan and 12.29% for Klingon. It's not much, but it'll help. I've also developed what I hope is a way to detect Undine infiltrators. I've modified their isomorphic compound ever so slightly. The science behind it is too advanced to put here, but the end result is a compound that I hope will expose any Undine on a ship or a Starbase. It's meant to be put into the enviromental systems as an airborne agent. It'll enter the bloodstream of every person exposed through the lungs. On any non-Undine species, it'll cause no ill effects except for perhaps some shortness of breath and light headedness. When the saturation hits two hundred parts per million, any Undine infiltrators should revert to their natural form. In theory. I haven't been able to get a hold of Stellara, Starfleet's pet Undine, for live testing.
It doesn't help that Rh'vaurek asked me to cut back on my drinking. I need a new coping method. A new vice. Something to help ease the tension and the stress while taking my mind off all this mess. Drinking was causing a problem anyway. I was talking too much. And a new disturbing thought just occured to me. One that I somehow hadn't thought of. If the Undine find out what I'm working on, they'll come for me. Or the people I care about. Yes, I believe not getting drunk would be a good idea.
All this stress is getting to me. I need to try to sleep.
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Jun 3, 2014 17:46:53 GMT
Sindari's log, June 3rd.
The nerve of the Federation. The sheer stupidity and childishness of them. My "boss" came to see me. Lara. She's in charge of the whole Undine weapons research program. First, she tells me that Starfleet has run out of funding for us. Which is targshit. Starfleet doesn't run out of funding. Which either means she's lying and doesn't have the balls to tell me they won't fund my research anymore, or she's clueless. Then she goes on to explain to me the protocols. How I can't leave the Starbase system with any of their samples or gear on my ship. Which I assured her that I knew that rule very well. I've been obeying it to the letter and I know the importance of the protocols. I'm a stickler for rules, you see. But then... Then she has the audacity to threaten me and my crew. She tells me, even after I assure her there's nothing to worry about, that if I break the rules she'll have my ship impounded. Why? Why did she feel it was necessary to threaten and ally who's done nothing but help them. Martin did the same thing, and it resulted in the Karis incident.
This has disturbing implications. After Starfleet repaired the Icarus and helped me install a laboratory on her, I didn't feel the need to arm my ship. It's a Hirogen Battlecruiser. What she can't outrun, she can out think. Hirogen ships are experts of deception and stealth. The perfect ship to have a research lab on. But now... if my allies don't see me as an ally, they must see me as a threat. And if they are threatening to me and my crew, I must take steps to protect what little I have left. It's time to talk to some old friends, make some new ones, and get the Icarus ready to fight if they decide to make good on their threats. I need guns. Lots of guns. If Starfleet decides to provoke an ally, then I'll be ready to defend myself.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Jun 14, 2014 5:51:24 GMT
Sindari's log, June 14th.
Vacation is awesome. The sun, surf, and sand all combine to make me the happiest and most relaxed in decades. I caught myself skipping the other day. Me! Skipping! As much as I wish Rh'vaurek would spend more time with me here, the time we do spend together is amazing. He made me promise to cut back on the drinking. Something I'm having trouble doing in this environment. But if he's not here, what's the harm in him not knowing?
The Icarus has been sitting in high orbit during my stay. She's finally up to what I dreamed she would be. After I realized how much a threat Starfleet potentially represented, I found one of my old contacts who agreed to outfit her with some old Cardassian weapons. They're not the most precise beam weapons, but they're stupidly powerful. I've seen them cleave clean through a ship before. They drain more power than I'd like, but the Icarus can handle it if we ever need to fight. The Hirogen sensor masking and other stealth systems will keep these new additions a secret from Starfleet until I need them. What they don't know can't hurt them.
As for my work, this vacation is just what I needed. It's a working vacation, so I've been doing a lot of my work on the beach from a PADD. The more relaxed I am, the faster the ideas flow. I'm getting close. Very close. Soon, Admiral Ears will have that big red button we discussed. And I've gotten to know her enough during my time here to trust her. At least, as much as I can trust a Fed. She's smarter than I thought. And she has balls. I believe my weapon will be safe in her hands. And if she decides to use it, my conscience will be clean.
My only concern at this point is Species 8472 themselves. If their infiltration is as deep as I fear, they'll no doubt hear of my research. If they find out about the weapon, then they'll come for me. Risa is far from a safe planet and I feel horribly exposed on these beaches. I keep catching myself looking over my shoulder and regarding people with more suspicion than normal. I just hope I can keep up the happy giddy bubbly drunk act up long enough to finish my work. Being this cheerful is starting to grate on my nerves.
And I hate Mai-tais.
-End of log-
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Jun 22, 2014 13:33:37 GMT
Sindari's log, June 22nd.
Let's see... personal stuff first. I haven't seen my boyfriend in 9 days, 7 hours, 10 minutes. He wasn't at the talent show so he missed my dance. I don't blame him, it wasn't really anything to look at. I hadn't danced in more than 40 years and got a lot of it wrong. But it took a lot for me to do that. I wouldn't have even been able to stand in front of the audience if it wasn't for him. So my dance was for him. I cried after. I'm not ashamed to admit that. Not because he missed it, no. Because of some very powerful memories it brought back. The last time I danced was in a crowded concert hall on Romulus, in another universe. I still remember the faces of my husband and children in the front row, watching me perform. No... That memory is far too painful to bring back up. I will never dance again. I don't know where Rh'vaurek has been, but I can't help but feel I did something wrong to drive him away.
I need to get a grip. Master my emotions. I've become too friendly. There is still work to be done. I spoke with an old friend last night. He agreed to provide the funding that Starfleet cut and he forced me to realize something. Species 8472 can no longer be allowed to exist. My previous plan of making my weapon and forcing them to retreat was in error. What if they change the biology of their space to make my weapon harmless? We've underestimated Species 8472 before. It's entirely possible that if we let them know we have the weapon, they'll find a way around it. I can't allow that to happen. He told me I had to save us all. I was a fool to think stopping a war would redeem myself. I'm beyond redemption. Which is good I suppose. It means I can do what has to be done. I'll bear the consequences on my shoulders alone. Starfleet will get to remain squeaky clean and still be self-righteous, and no one else has to die. I'll shoulder their sins for them. Perhaps that's my purpose. The reason for all this. Maybe everything that's happened has happened so I can be the one to do what others can not.
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krow
Member
Posts: 177
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Post by krow on Jun 25, 2014 20:59:29 GMT
Sindari's log, June 25th.
The conference is in a few short hours. This is not going to go well. I can smell it. A peace conference on a world as lightly defended as Risa? When a Festival is going on that opens boarders to all groups? They're asking for trouble. There are a number of groups that would benefit from Starfleet, the Republic, and the KDF trying to rip each other's throat out. The Tal'shiar. The Orion Syndicate. Pirates, mercenaries, rogue Klingon houses. And they all have easy access to the planet because of the festival. Hell, the Undine or the Elachi might even pop out out of nowhere. Since their masters have taken pains to set the powers against each other. The Icarus is ready to fight. As is my new ship. I hope i'm wrong. I really do. But if this all goes tits up, then I'll be ready.
-End of log-
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